Sunday, December 30, 2012
I didn't think anyone was reading my blog so I stopped writing. It appears that there are more than a thousand of you who have read my words. If I had known I would have had a constant stream of wisdom coming at you. I lost my job of 18 and a half years recently. 'terminated without cause' they call it. That's a fancy way of saying that 'we have no real reason to fire you so take this package and please go quietly'. I'm writing this not to harp on a done deal but to share what goes on inside when this happens to you. I suspect that today there are many of you going through job loss and some may be going through a separation at the same time. I can't imagine what you're going through if you're being hit with this double whammy. I can tell you though that just one of these is right up there on the list of huge life stressors. Symptoms ranging from anger to sadness to loss of concentration and yes, even self blame are a part of your daily routine. It's okay to reflect back, but I beg of you, don't add more to your system right now by blaming yourself. Even if there are things that you could or should have done differently, that's over with. Use the reflection to move forward or if you really feel that you've done something wrong, apologize and then move on. The rest of the grieving process is real stuff and should not be diminished. Today you're happy and sure that life sent you on the best possible path for you. The next day, you're sad and wondering where you fit in now. People might try to guide you in the right direction; according to their head space...saying things like,'You should find something to do that's productive', 'You want to be ready for the day that you won't be able to sit at home any longer', 'Why don't you take a course or something'. You don't need to do anything if you don't feel like doing anything. The only thing I think might help is to seek some guidance if you find that you're really struggling. You might still have access to an Employee Assistance Program. Or you could try a local resource centre for counselling. Find out for yourself what the grieving process is like; you don't have to take it from me. Get some material from them or out of the library on job loss or separation. That way if you are acting or thinking funny, you'll know that you're perfectly normal. And also, that way if you are taking longer than you'd like to pick up the pieces and move on, you'll have the help to get started. It is a new chapter in your life. They say that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. 'Bull', you might think. 'How on earth can this be exactly where I'm supposed to be'. But why don't we exercise a bit a patience; okay a lot of patience and see. Give it some time; this too shall pass (It is said, an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses. How chastening in the hour of pride. How consoling in the depths of affliction). You're not alone out there. Thanks for reading
Thursday, September 20, 2012
I've been away for a long time..at least as far as blogging goes. It's not easy to sell books; so, sometimes we throw out the baby with the bath water. But I'm back. My toons are being featured in Divorce Magazine on line, and I hope that people begin talking about Flying Solo again. I'm wondering if people want to use this forum as a way to chat about what's happening to them in their lives. Are you going through a separation, a divorce, have you lost a loved one. The other day a friend of mine told me on the phone that she is going through a separation. She told me in such a non chalant way that I figured she was fine about it. When we saw each other in person, it was a whole different story. I've been divorced now for many years and I had quite a different kind of situation than most; having lived with my ex for 7 years. So, I forgot, or rather didn't really know what a real live divorce felt like. The look in my friend's eyes and the tears filling up in them, I suddenly felt a punch in my stomach. I knew what she must be going through. The loss, the loneliness, the fear. I told her, 'You know, there is life after divorce'. So, I tell you all that too. Write to me with your comments and questions. I have a lot of supporters who can lend their expertise.